1. You have your pre-schooler deal with all problem calls from customers while you hide in the closet.

2. You realize that you need to make an urgent call to your mother-in-law (who you have also been avoiding) at the exact moment the customer call comes in.

3. Whenever the phone rings, you quickly turn off your lights and hide under your desk hoping your secretary will assume you've gone for the day and just take a message. (Trust me, this never works. Inevitably you will hear your secretary say, "Oh, wait just one moment, I think I see him hiding under his desk. Yes, there he is. I'll put you right through to him.")

4. You purchase a voice-disguising device from your local spy shop.

5. You purchase a set of heavy-duty interior dead bolts for your office door.

6. You start working the swing shift.

7. You have your office phone number changed.

8. You give instructions to the local phone company to designate your new phone number as "unlisted".

9. You get a legal name change and begin wearing goofy disguises to the office.

10. You record a message on your personal answering machine that greets all customer calls patched through by your secretary with a message that says (in a high pitched nasal voice) "The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again."

11. You install Caller I.D. on your personal office phone.

Overheard in the Home Office

Index: Tales From the Home Office